Skeen!

The majority of London school kids speak a form of pigeon-English that might very well annoy me to death someday. Apart from the obvious dropping of the letter 't' in words, and the substitution of 'd' for 'th' sounds, they have developed an amazingly annoying vocabulary to barb me with as well. Here are just some of the words you should know:

Bare - very, many.
Init - (silent 't') meaning 'isn't it'; used compulsively at the beginning and end of sentences.
Long - a lot of effort for no reward.
Bruv - mate.
Blud - mate.
Skeen - I see, or I understand.
Screw - to stare contemptuously at someone.
Safe - describes someone or something that is good.
Blank - to ignore someone who is talking to you.
Butters - (silent 't') - ugly
A-LLow it - please, or let it be.
Swear down - believe me

So here goes:

Init blud I saw dis fiwlm da uvver nigh' an i' was BARE long - I was like, a-LLow i'! Da girwls in i' was so bu'ers too dat I wann'ed ta be SICK bruv, SWEAR DOWN!

An' init afterward I saw Fuad out da front an 'e juz blanked me bruv - swear down! Swear down. So I juz screwed 'im, yeah, I fought 'e waz safe dough init. Skeen!

Maybe it takes practice.

I Can Ride a Bike So Easily...

Today, Shelley and I rented some bikes and rode along the Thames path to Hammersmith. We had a great day, but we were both pretty wary from the outset.

Prior to this, we had ridden bikes together only once, in Amsterdam. As far as maiden voyages go that was like Kate and Leo all over again (except they acted like they loved each other as the ship went down). No, you will not find a story about this saga on the blog, as at the time it was too painful for either of us to write about.

(Shelley's preferred mode of transport in Amsterdam)

In Shelley's defense, I will attest that the bike she rode in Amsterdam was a little too big for her. Still, I was astounded to discover my wife had the bike-riding skills of a 5-year-old. She looked about as much in her element as one of those squirrels riding water-skis in a puff news piece. To compound this, I am not the most gracious and patient teacher you have ever met. In fact, I can be quite mean. Anyway, all of these factors culminated in Shelley (momentarily blessed with super-human strength) picking up her bike and hurling it against a nearby tree, amidst a Hulk-like barrage of verbal abuse. Yes, this behaviour is uncharacteristic of Shelley. Yes, I think my "teaching" style did contribute to the outburst. I do like to teach lessons.

Anyway, today was an absolute pleasure cruise in comparison. We had beautiful weather (easily the best we've had in six months) and Shelley rode with the confidence of a young tyke. Her pedals were like extensions of her legs, her eyes scanned four or five moves ahead in the traffic. Now all she needs to master is the hill start.

Unfaithful

Shelley kissed a magician yesterday.

I should be mad, but really, if she had to kiss someone I'm glad it was a magician.

The Face of Evil

Last week, my year 11 art class were set the task of drawing their face 20 years from now. I accepted the challenge, using the head-shot from my drivers license as a guide - hence me looking 21 with wrinkles. Not hence me looking like a monster, with a mouth like Julia Roberts' and eyes that transport you to the heart of darkness.

Snow Day!

I hereby declare Snow Day to be the greatest of all days! Better than Heat Wave Day, better than Hurricane Day, and much, much better than Steady Rain Day.


It's been snowing pretty solidly here since Sunday evening, after the Russians threw some Arctic snow winds in the UK's direction. Hooray for the Russians! They're always doing nice things for other people.

Buses were out, trains were out, tubes were mostly out; roads were reduced to mushy, icy slosh pits; even riding a bike wasn't as easy as you would think.

So, like many other people, getting to work was pretty much out of the question for us. Sadly, we had to stay home and play in the snow all day. It was a very depressing day.

And here's me skiing!


For more photos you can visit our Flicker account here.

The Den of Thieves

The British are the greatest preservers (thieves) of world culture in history, and this is where they keep all their artefacts (loot): The British Museum.

Shelley and I made our second trip out to the museum yesterday, and, just like the first visit, it was well worth it. I have no doubt that it is the best museum of its kind anywhere in the world, and it's free (which, come to think of it, makes my 'well worth it' comment seem pretty meaningless).


Shelley, pondering a great civilization.

Why not just pack the temple up and take it home?

Me in a 3rd Century BC Corinthian helmet; Shelley in one of her finest moments of photography.

Again, let's just chisel these reliefs off the wall and take them home, I'm sure the Assyrians won't mind.

As you can see, the British have taken lots of stuff (i.e. the most impressive things) from great civilizations all round the world; Egypt, Assyria, Greece, Persia, India, China, Meso-America. I really don't think they missed out on anything. In fact, I would say if you were living anywhere in the world during the 19th Century, chances are, a man with a waxed-moustache and a Safari hat would poke his head in and ask, 'Can I have a bit of that?'

This guy looks very much like he's missing his friends.

Respect.

I don't know if anyone paid much attention to these crystal skulls before the latest Indiana Jones movie, but they certainly do now. Many people (including one museum patron, who video-taped the exhibit from multiple angles for close to five minutes) attribute mystical powers to these skulls. Of course, the only one of these to be varified is an uncanny ability to suck life out of cinema-goers.

(The British Museum has not been quick to act on the skulls' popularisation; this one remains in a poorly-lit corner of a poorly-lit room. Seems the curators were disappointed with the movie also - another tick for the British Museum!)