Thursday, November 26, 2009

Manifest Destiny

Shelley and I hopped on a tube the other night, and although one end of the carriage was quite deserted, for some reason we decided to go for two seats down the crowded end.

Even before I sat down I had an uneasy feeling about the size (which was large) of the woman to my right; something told me that by sitting here I would be exhibiting a careless disregard for the rules of The Universe. And yes, The Universe was right (I'm sure I heard some celestial body slap its forehead as I sat down).

No sooner had I sat down than I realised I was sitting on the woman's thigh, and not just a bit of her thigh, but a lot of her thigh, which had laid claim to nigh-on a third of my seat. An involuntary, "Oh" escaped me as I computed my predicament. I couldn't just jump up and say, Let's move to another seat, because that would be tantamount to saying, My goodness you are big, aren't you! I just didn't realise how big before I sat down, which The Universe (and by this stage I was listening) told me would never do.

So I sat. And I sat some more. And I pretended to be interested in the advertising placard on the wall, which advocated vitamins for middle-aged people. All the while, these words sped though my head to the tune of that baseball organ theme: thigh, thigh, thigh, thigh; thigh, thigh, thigh, thigh; thigh, thigh, thigh, thigh; thigh, thigh, thigh, thigh - I'm sitting on a thigh!

Enough! If it was this thigh's manifest destiny to have my seat, then so be it, I would happily be pushed to the margins.

"Oh, there are some other seats," I said, and we left.

I guess the answer was don't sit there in the first place.


Anonymous said...

I'd comment only I can't stop laughing out loud. JL

Sweet Olive Press | Helen said...

Dear Jules. For the sake of me maintaining and full complement of three brothers, please don't ever ever try this in the New York subways.

Sweet Olive Press | Helen said...

of course that should have been "a full complement", not "and"

but I was distracted by the thigh of unusual size