Saturday, August 15, 2009

This is Definitely the Hardest I've Ever Hit My Head

One day, when I was in year 8, I came home from school and told Mum that I had been knocked unconscious - albeit only briefly - after falling backwards from an undisclosed height.

This was a lie.

It was true that I had hit my head (and hit it quite hard) after falling backwards, but unconscious? No. It just felt like a much snappier lead sentence for the story. Mum did what all good mothers should - she didn't ask probing questions, but only expressed the deepest concern. And life went on very nicely for some time.

16 years later, the Universe saw fit to pay me back for this dishonesty. Unfortunately for me, the punishment came in the form of yet another blow to the head. (Why so many blows to the head?)

See, I was walking up the stairs in the Subway at Greenwich, after having just purchased a delicious Jamaican-themed sub from a Polish sandwich artist. For some reason I was feeling a strong sense goodwill toward all men, so when I saw a group of people descending the narrow stairway I stood to one side and let them pass; they obliged with a smile and a thank you.

Now, armed with that springy step which often accompanies such self-congratulatory courtesies, I bounded up the stairs. If I could, in retrospect, choose a different verb with which to climb the stairs, I would probably choose 'meander', or 'float'. But I did neither - I bounded. And I hit my so hard on something I don't even know the name of. It was definitely a piece of building, and it was definitely jutting out above the stairs in a dangerous way. It just adds insult to injury that I can't even name the perpetrator.

Needless to say, I bled for some time, and felt quite shook up - and then drowsy for some time after that. Almost as if I had been mildly concussed.

Touché Universe, touché.


Anonymous said...

Juz, That photo makes my stomach turn. It looks very painful. I do feel sorry for you. And empathetic. Goodwill to mankind often comes back to haunt one. Like when I let a woman go before me in the traffic and she promptly crashed her car into a sign in front of us. I felt terrible for that goodwill. Happiness also dangerous. Like when, after my first date with my first boyfriend, I shut my head in the door of his car while saying goodbye, again. Surly misanthropy a safer course all round.

gerrod said...

Look on the bright side dude - at least it your nose didn't start bleeding at the same time.

julesandshell said...

But it DID. Or at least, a little bit later. I came home from work to find his nose POURING with blood, and a 1.5 inch gash on his head.


Aaron Lewis said...

See I told the truth Jules... In grade 5 I actually *did* get hypnotised into unconsciousness by Geoffrey Rolston's chant "saaaardines, saaaardines, saaaardines..."
But everyone just laughed at me. No understanding mother for me.

Sweet Olive Press | Helen said...

Those thoughtless Poles with their goodwill-inducing sandwiches.

Anonymous said...


Jo said...

Jules that looks bad! I feel sick looking at it. Thankfully I wasn't there or I would have laughed. I have a terrible habit of laughing when people get hurt badly. Michelle nearly chopped off her toe when she was a kid and all I could do was laugh. :-(