Sunday, March 02, 2008

In case anyone wants to become a supply teacher?

Timetable reads:

Period 5: 9RC/ History, Room 310

Excellent! The worst class group, in the worst grade, in one of the worst subjects to cover, in the last lesson of the day (that's the worst lesson) - all in one of the worst schools I've ever taught in.

So I steeled myself. I put on my Zen jacket, and told myself that nothing would ruffle me; nothing, not even the jibes about me looking like Owen Wilson or Shaggy from Scooby Doo. Not kids jumping out windows, hitting each other over the head with bags, drinking bottles of coke, listening to iPods, saying G'day mate over and over like it's funny. Nothing. I was going to be a calm killer.

Most of these kids behave like animals. Actually, that's unfair press for animals. But you know those animals that are just jerks. Real jerks.

Despite all this, my combination of cool threats, nihilistic stares and rewarding pats (I know that all sounds mean) seemed to have an effect on them. They were noisy and horrible, but they actually did work, which is truly amazing for them, so I agreed to let them go on time.

But of course, just as I'm letting everyone go, this one kid decides to throw a handful of coloured pencils across the room. And, of course, I tell him that he's not going anywhere until he's picked them all up. "But someone threw dem at me," is his response (as it always is).

The ensuing stand-off lasts for more than 10 minutes (enough time for me to miss my bus). Finally, the kid very resentfully agrees to pick up all the pencils, and takes them over to the pencil tray. "Can I gooooo now?" he asks. "Yes, you can go now," I say ever so foolishly. He steps out the door, then turns around with the handful of pencils still in his hand, throws them on the floor and says, "There, now you pick 'em up bruv", and runs away.

Fiddle-de-dee, I say in my head.

Fiddle...de...deeeee.

7 comments:

gerrod said...

I know you people make these stories up; I've seen how real teachers are, on all the TV ads saying, "become a teacher".

You must be doing something wrong.

Kristy said...

I'd check the contents of those 'coke' bottles if I were you...

Shelley said...

Interestingly, I had my own 'colour pencil' incident today, only with year 11 students. They really love throwing those things at other kids. I learned from Julian's mistake, and last minute asked the students to show me both hands outstreached... out dropped a handful of pencil parts that had been tucked up under the blazer- destined for an unsuspecting head no doubt.

Helen | Pepperina Press said...

I could not be a teacher because I would hurt people. My siblings know this is true.

(Are these kids raised by chimps?)

Shelley said...

Chimps, and Chumps.

ab said...

I'm with Helen. There would be some sore kids if I was a teacher!!! Ask Shell how far we got when I took her for a driving lesson ( it was the end of the 2m long driveway!!). Seriously though, aren't you glad it was the last lesson of the day and you didn't have them again later.

Anonymous said...

hehe....